All You Need is Love?

So I'm sitting on my couch yesterday eating lunch before work, and watching Judge Judy. I know, I know... there was nothing else on, okay?? It's not part of my normal habit... really.

But something that she said struck me as so materialistic, worldly and sad that I felt I HAD to rant about it. Where better to do that than on my blog?

A man was suing his ex-fiance for having forged his name on checks totalling around $1200 dollars. But what came out over the course of the case was that she would call him with the total of the bills that month, and he would tell her to take one of his checks, sign his name to it and deposit it in her bank account so that she would have enough money to pay for everything.

So why was he suing her if he had TOLD her to sign his name to checks to pay the bills? Because they broke up, she decided she didn't love him anymore, he had been stalking her and was extremely angry she had another boyfriend now, and decided that legally, this was the way he could get back at her.

If that weren't sad enough, that wasn't the thing that made me feel a loss of hope for humanity. It was Judge Judy's little "nuggets of wisdom" on love.

The man tells Judy how he had loved his ex-fiance, but that she had gone to counseling with him and told the counselor that she wasn't sure if she loved him anymore. He says he really loved her and it hurt him a lot.

Judy's response? "Move on. Don't attack her because you're bitter. That's wrong." (That was her GOOD piece of advice. The bad parts?) :

"What attracted you to her in the first place? Be honest with yourself. It wasn't her great personality or how smart she was, was it? It was because you thought she was attractive. Look, people get together for different reasons. For you, it was because she was attractive. One of your assets was your nice bank account. It didn't work out. Look at the divorce rate. People get married for various reasons, it doesn't work out, you break up and move on. Be glad you spared yourself a mistake."

So my jaw dropped. What a cavalier, shallow and utterly WRONG way to look at love. And if all they had between them in the first place was good looks and a nice bank account, I highly doubt that was "love". Love is not a relationship based on convenience and only physicality. Sure, the physical attraction might start things off, but people seem to have forgotten that love is a DECISION and a COMMITMENT. It takes work, and understanding, and giving of yourself, and compromise. It's not just something that happens and is easily tossed away when the convenience is gone and the initial infatuation is over. Why do people get love and infatuation mixed up? When did the word "love" become a stand-in for lust and convenience??

It makes me sad to think that people take marriage so lightly these days. I mean I knew it, but just to hear someone as hard-hearted as Judge Judy was toward love and marriage, speak about it in such a "you win some, you lose some" manner made me ill.

I don't wonder that there's so much hurt, hard hearts, and divorce nowadays, nor do I wonder why some people are so desperate for "love", or just someone to pay attention to them, that they'll look anywhere to find it.

There is a major distinction between REAL love and infatuation/lust. I hope everyone I know knows the difference.

/RANT.

Ok... on the POSITIVE side... one of the clients that comes in our clinic called me today and told me she was going to Ireland. I was really excited for her and told her how I would love to go. After telling me it was affordable and telling me how stressed she was in getting ready for it, she then asked me what I wanted her to bring back for me!

I was totally dumbfounded. I didn't want her to get me anything! But she said to me... "You were there for me when I lost Gabby, and I was hurting so much and miss her so much. (Gabby was her cat that she had to put to sleep.) I remember you hugged me and you were so sweet to me, and I want to get you something. Now what do you want?"

I had no idea what to say. I told her I didn't need anything but she wouldn't take no for an answer. "Do you like crystal? Do you like jewelry? Do you like silver or gold? No, I'm getting you something and that's that!" And she laughed at me.

Finally I told her I'd probably use jewelry more than crystal, and she asked me if I like shamrocks, and then said she knew exactly what she was going to get me, and thanked me again.

I've got to say that that touched me a lot. I guess little acts of kindness really go a long way with people. You never know what little thing you're going to do to make people feel as if they're cared about. To me that was the best gift she could have given me, just to let me know that I helped her. So sweet! :0)